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__________uhm, butter face?? [entries|friends|calendar]
"yours sorta a Butter Face" he said

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[08 Jun 2005|09:22am]
PLEASE GO TO MY NEW JOURNAL TO BE ADDED AS A FRIEND!!!

This one got hacked into & if you were some of the few that got rude comments from "me", disregard them!!!

New one is as follows:

www.livejournal.com/users/_bruisedRAiNBOW
1 dream kisses on the wind

[07 Jun 2005|11:27am]
i'm over it. i really don't care. you do what you want. i just can't wait to see you fall. because it'll happen sooner or later.

now that i've got that out of my system...hey.

today and yesterday were pretty good. went to the show briefly. was gonna go in, but i didn't have the 6 bucks to spend on it- so yeah. then party over at zach and brennen's. good times. had to leave my car there last night . righteous.

"ninemonthsisalongtimetopretend"

that's all.

***
4 dreams kisses on the wind

[06 Jun 2005|08:52am]
"call when you can, I enjoy your voice and the things it says."

haha that made my morning. anyways yeah.. no one really reads this anymore.
2 dreams kisses on the wind

[31 May 2005|09:24am]
...exhale...

not good. not good at all. i hate getting into the kind of mood that i've been in for the past few hours. the kind of mood that i've been getting from time to time for the past few months. the kind of mood that drives me to nearly...well...nevermind.

i know where a lot of it stems from. and it infuriates me to no end. it's my own fault. i should have known better. life lesson for everyone: don't trust anybody. don't believe anything anybody says. the only person you can trust is yourself. and sometimes that isn't even true.

i know i'm not any better. i've let plently of people down. i've been hypocritical my fair share of times. so i really don't have any room to complain. but what the hell, too late for that.

the best part of my day today was lying on the concrete, bleeding, half unconcious, with one shoe. because the only thing on my mind was wondering what the hell had just happened. it was much needed anyway. thank you for that.

i wish i never would have met you.

this post isn't all about one person. or one particular thing. it started out as a stream of consciousness...and ended up a little different that i had expected.
1 dream kisses on the wind

[25 May 2005|10:05am]
You scored as Loner.

</td>

Loner

100%

Geek

81%

Stoner

44%

Prep/Jock/Cheerleader

38%

Drama nerd

31%

Goth

25%

Ghetto gangsta

25%

Punk/Rebel

19%

What's Your High School Stereotype?
created with QuizFarm.com


I love how accurate these little tests are :) so hows everyone been?
3 dreams kisses on the wind

[23 May 2005|09:05am]
17 today

pretty cool s'pose...

just one more year until I'm fully responsible for my illegal actions!! YES!
5 dreams kisses on the wind

[17 May 2005|01:59pm]
[ mood | listless ]

Where do I go from here??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
So many questions.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I need answers.

There is just so much more to add and I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I won’t even get started really, it’s just… I dunno, UH!!!! Where are the words?! It seems that is all I can say… it’s just… I dunno. I really do bring a lot upon myself, I do it way too much actually. I overanalyze things like as if it were going out of style. Things are complicated, and I’m not saying that it is bad nor am I saying that it is good as well, its just…I dunno. Those words “I dunno” seem to be consuming everything right now. It’s the only thing I can say when I can’t get it straight. I hate trying to figure things out on my own, I wish I had a crystal ball that can just tell me what to expect. Yet for now it’s just…. I dunno.

kisses on the wind

[13 May 2005|11:50am]
Time for some update
♥ not too much is new. still a while to go in school. i'm getting to that point again where i can't take anymore school. we're not even that busy or anything...i'm just fucking tired of going there, and tired of putting up with all the people. uh.

today hasn't really been a good day.

i expected nothing more from you.

goaheadandletitfadeaway.
3 dreams kisses on the wind

Cheerleading [10 May 2005|08:49am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I hate knowing that I was good enough to be on the Jackson squad. I hate knowing that I was better than some of the girls who did make it.

All this morning all I could do was cry. I couldn't really do anything else. I meen whats left y'know? This is my last year to ever be a high school cheerleader? and you know why I didnt make it? I asked the coach this morning and she said that i did great, I had tough competition (psh...) and that they could only afford for 12 girls, and I was the 13th. jeez could have made my year if they accepted me.

I dont know im just super bummed all around. its all really biased too. everyones sister or friend made it. Lizzie Gilmore, Jodies sister made it and shes not even all that great (not to me at least) and Emma made it (christine's sister)

its all stupid, and theres nothing I can do to change it.

5 dreams kisses on the wind

put a smile on, everybody C'MON [03 May 2005|01:58pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

UNHAPPiNESS iS A VERY STUPiD THiNG. && even though theres a few things i could complain about right now, ha. im not. cause one, im not worrying about it (&&you shouldnt be worrying about it either) && two ive decided no one should be unhappy. EVER. && screw the people that make you feel shitty, they're just either overly jealous && cant control it, OR they have issues.
i'd hafta say that some people...just have issues





How suiting for me is this?
oh and please fill this out it would let me know what yall think of me...just so i know who really hates me.

Kirstie is
Kirstie should learn
Kirstie could use
Without Kirstie, life would be
If I could tell Kirstie one thing, it would be
Kirstie has a tendency to

4 dreams kisses on the wind

[02 May 2005|09:38am]
for once this is about me and not you.

"theres something that i think i should tell you all. i'm not feeling very well. and i haven't been for a while. something inside me has jumped the track. i'm confused. i'm not thinking right. i'm not sleeping right. and i...i...

just don't think that that i'm complaining about this, or or or asking for your help, because there's nothing anyone can do about it, it's just happened and that's all there is to it. but i...i don't know what i'm going to say from one minute to the next. i really don't. i don't know what i'm going to say, and i don't know what i'm going to do. do you understand that?

and, and i know this is a bad time for everyone- but uh, there's nothing i can do about that. i'm tired and i'm uh, uh.......i don't, i don't see things the way i used to.

everything, everything EVERYTHING is fucking strange, and it's all completely out of control now. that's right. and maybe if you could give me some real help, that would be..and and not your pity or your generosity but some help. take a look at me.

i.. i.. i know that i'm ruining everything but i cant...if i don't say this now then i may never say it. everything is going very fast, it's going very very fast it's completely out of control and if i don't say it today, tomorrow may be too late. i may be too crazy to even know how crazy i really am. i don't know what to do. i don't know what to do.

something has happened and i'm very lost. i'm stuck. it's not getting better, i don't get better, i'm not getting better, it's just going on and on and there's nothing i can do about it. it's not stopping.

it's.not.stopping."


that sums up how i've been feeling lately exactly. i've come to that point again. i just don't know.

i hope that didn't sound pathetic...but i've been having trouble thinking what to write in here lately...and this seemed the most fit.

it's over.
5 dreams kisses on the wind

[29 Apr 2005|09:14am]
[ mood | Quiet ]

Everyone seems to be fading away from me. i can't explain it but as the school year comes to an end, people are slowly be losing touch with me. && i realized that im alright with that...why pester someone if they dont want to be your friend? so from now on im going to keep my mouth shut, and wont talk to anyone unless they come to me. Dont assume anything is wrong if you see me by myself, no one has yet made any efforts to talk to me.


holding my breath walking alone with you
I get to hear your voice again
if this is a dream maybe you'll stay with me
stay with me please stay with me

this is where we met
we're back here again


don't leave me alone
I can't stand the way the world feels
when I'm walking alone

can you please keep talking to me now
tell me all about your new friends
and don't think I can't hear you now
I'm listening

and this is where we met
we're back here again
(back here back here again)


don't leave me alone
I can't stand the way the world feels
when I'm walking alone


the world seems like a miss
when it won't let go of me
but when it's gone I don't feel
when it's gone I don't feel alive

1 dream kisses on the wind

[20 Apr 2005|07:41am]
i've never felt so betrayed in my life. you think you know someone, and then bam, they stab you right in the fucking back.

and this was worse. because it wasn't one person. it was two. two who i cared very deeply about.

i hope you're happy
1 dream kisses on the wind

[19 Apr 2005|01:32pm]
This entry will partialy reflect my last entry.

I have come to the conclusion that I shouldn't give trust into those I second guess. Maria, for example... shes wanting to get back with an ex boyfriend for the second time... she does not seem to thionk anything is wrong with dating best friends exes-WTF!? its hurts because I warned her about gettin back with him we wouldnt be friends , and obviously she doesnt take that into consideration, shes just out to hurt herself.

I was sitting behind a girl she gave a note to and I was in it. Maria seems to always revolve her conversations around me. What the heck. It hurts because I hate people talking about me, turning their backs on me and what not. Its bad enough when i know they are doin it.. nobody was talking to me in class today..Leigh, dan, maria and elise all weren't talking to me.

its hard to try and figure out who wont turn their backs on me...and it also hurts not knowing who I can and cannot put all my trust and friendship into.. it seems as though im not all that great of a person if everyone is just going to hurt me.
kisses on the wind

friends? [18 Apr 2005|09:33am]
[ mood | apathetic ]

the teenage psyche has memories to never be forgotten, lessons to be learned, and new goals to accomplish. Everlasting friendships fits into their somewhere. I still have yet to have someone to become close with. Everyone has their someone.
+ Tiarra has Laura.
+ Amber has Mackenzie.
+ Elina has Rachel (or Nicole Im not sure)
+ Kathryn has Ashley.
+ Elise has Erin.
+ Alissa has Lilian.
+ Maria has Leigh.

Where does this leave me? I dont want any negetive feedback, which Im sure to recieve. but come on you guys. You know I'm not a best friend to any of you. Maybe I'm just trying to hard. I think I'm going to stop &&just be on my own. Be my own best friend. I'm just going to be another face in the crowd &¬ try anymore.

Don't bother leaving comments if all you're going to do is rant at me. Last thing I need.

4 dreams kisses on the wind

[14 Apr 2005|10:02am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Don't ever put yourself out there. Or you're going to be setting yourself up for the biggest mistake of your poor, pathetic life. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Don't even wear it inside the confines of your shirt. You never know what kind of thieves are running about.

Shame on me. I fall for those tricks every time. (It's been almost two years and I'm still bitter about it). I need to grow up. Lord, save me from myself. Make me stop.

(Can you believe her? She writes that I betrayed her. And how exactly did I do that? I just want to put a gun in between everyone's eyes. I fucking hate the whole universe. I hate the sky. I hate the trees. I hate the stars. I hate the people. I'm going to build a coffin and lie in it until oxygen runs out).

Leave me alone. I want to suffer in my own self-induced tragedies and whatnot.

1 dream kisses on the wind

[12 Apr 2005|10:15am]
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
kisses on the wind

[29 Mar 2005|01:53pm]
I was afraid to be alone,
but now I'm scared that's how I like to be;
All these faces none the same,
how can there be so many personalities.

So many lifeless, empty hands,
so many hearts in great demand;
and now my sorrow seems so far away,
until I'm taken by these bolts of pain;

But I turn them off, and tuck them away,
until those rainy days that make them stay;
And then I'll cry so hard to these sad songs,
and the words still ring, once here, now gone;



xo
3 dreams kisses on the wind

[24 Mar 2005|09:39am]
[ mood | worried ]

Sometimes I just wanna die. Everything just gets so ... complicated. everything around me &&everything inside my head. i hate it

Elina, everything will eventually pass over. I just want you to know that I love you &&will ALWAYS be here regardless. That might not meen much coming from me because im not one of your good friends, although I wish I could be.

4 dreams kisses on the wind

[21 Mar 2005|02:24pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

I can't stand people that talk shit on everyone constantly...like they revolve around eveyone else's misery.
Maria is talking so much shit about me &&my friends... thats so not cool
But its hella funny because Mike dropped her fat ass.

She had it coming to her.
*does happy dance while singing"I told ya so told ya so told ya so!"*

kisses on the wind

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